Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
