Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This baby is an asshole
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
