Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
