a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
