I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
