why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
