Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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