i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
