The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
