4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
