i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
