All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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