My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
