There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
