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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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