Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
