Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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