i may or may not be watching the land before time
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
