whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
