there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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