you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
