this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
