Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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