I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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