my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
