DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
