I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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