hotel room ftw
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
