i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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