im holly from the hills drunk
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
