I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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