I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
