Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
