turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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