well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
