my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
what day is it and did you see me today?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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