Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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