I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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