Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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