Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Randomize
