I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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