Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
