last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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