In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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