you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
