we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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