i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
