you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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