so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
