before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
