thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
