I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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